It is getting cooooooold in the city!!!!! I ran three miles last night! Knocked my time down to 30:44!


I attempted to go on a jog today, but I only made it a mile because my pants kept falling down!!! A bare butt and 30 degree weather will most definitely keep you jogging!

Now let's get to business. My internet and cable are out. I am now at Starbucks finishing my work. I get two free hours thanks to my starbucks gold card!

I think Starbucks should have a cotton candy latte. How yummy would that be?! Irish Creme is another one I wish they would make.
And for the holidays they should at least incorporate one coffee drink with liquor. Rum and Vanilla in a latte sounds delicious.

This city is an amazing place to live. Everyday I find myself meeting new people. Right now I am sitting with my roommate, a brilliant comedic actress from Iowa and her boyfriend who is an artist, (think Van Gogh meets Seurat). He works for the Whitney.

I find myself continually surrounded by such talented and educated people. I am hoping that I can learn something from every single person I meet in the city. It is a fantastic place to live because of the diverse nature of the city. "Turn every corner there's something new". This lyric is from the song, "Nothing is too Wonderful to be True". I am constantly torn because in the few months I have lived here I have developed such a love for NYC. It is in many ways the perfect place for someone in their early 20's to live. However, I am also torn in which direction to follow. I went to school for acting, thinking for the past 4 + years of my life that I had to be on the stage. Unfortunately, the confidence in my craft, or lack their of a craft is dwindling. I suddenly feel like I know nothing. I spent time being frustrated, feeling like I was a waste of time to my professors. (Which I am sure I was.) I was torn down and never built back up. I take partial responsibility for that. I am always hard on myself and always will be. I guess I have to accept who I am. I must learn to accept the good qualities as well as the bad qualities.
I constantly find myself having a sense of loss. The genuine fear of never finding my calling has settled in. I am a dreamer and without a dream I have nothing. I now must be an adult: Manage my health, pay my bills, become less and less dependent on people to help me. This is a scary journey that everyone goes through, but I seem to be struggling more with the ways of life than most. How does one find contentment with what they have? I have so much. Love and support surrounds me. But once again I have to find these things on my own. No one can provide the sense of security that I need but me. Where does one go next? I hope that I can find my gift, my passion, my minuscule contribution to the world.
Direction is what I need. How does one find the right direction?

*Sorry for my run-on sentences and bad grammar.*