It's the little things

Today I woke up at 6:22 30 minutes past the time I am supposed to wake up. Ideally I would like to wake up drink some tea and rest before my day starts- but too often I find myself stuck in a comatose like state- barely being able to open my eyes. My two alarms go off several times before I finally grumble- roll out of bed, and find something to wear for the day. I have just enough time to brush my teeth, put lotion on my face, brush my hair and make it out the door by 6:50. If I leave any later chances are I won't make it to the office to open up the floor right at 7:30. My boss gets very mad if we are not at the desk right at 7:30. I have to work to understand that 7:30 is 7:30. 1-5 minutes later is no longer 7:30 to my boss. My internal clock doesn't quite work that way. Which is why I struggle to see the importance of sitting down at a desk right at 7:30. People don't even come into the office until 8:30. We can only get up from the desk when someone relieves us for our bathroom break. With that said there are some perks to working a desk job- consistent pay, health benefits, vacation days- yet I more often then not find little meaning throughout the day. I am just getting by today so that I can live tomorrow. When someone asks me how my day was I typically answer with- it happened. My thoughts for today were as followed: Shit I don't want to go to work to place where people where my boss doesn't like me. I still need to decide what my last day will be. Will it be the very end of December or towards the middle? Crap why didn't I think about what I will wear today last night. I need to put lotion on so my face doesn't dry out, brush my teeth, and run out the door! I really need to test my blood- I'll do it at the office. Bolus for coffee now. Pray I am not high. I am going to die at 40. Shit it is 6:47 I gotta go. Waiting in line for coffee- I shouldn't be buying this- but I want it. :/ On train- My bags are heavy I am hot, and I am want a seat. Will I make it on time? I am tired. I don't feel well. I get a seat and then one stop later give it up to an elderly woman- which I am happy to do, but I wonder why none of the men around me offer to do the same. I get to work early- YES. I think of my friend Aviva and write her a letter. I email my best friend to ask her to remind me of a funny story- wondering if she will respond as soon as I want her to. I remember that I have busy office work to do. I do that. As I prepare for school I am reminded of how difficult registering for classes can be. This is as far as I got for recording my thoughts that day. As I reread this I decided that I must find meaning in my days to come. The following day here are the small things I did to find meaning. I went to the New York Public Library on my break. I saw some great art and I felt inspired to collaborate on a new piece. After work I walked to the art supply store- I am incredibly thankful that I can walk all over NYC. I don't need a car and there is so much to see as I walk these magnificent and sometimes over crowded streets. I went home after the art store and drank a glass of wine and painted. :)