It's the little things

Today I woke up at 6:22 30 minutes past the time I am supposed to wake up. Ideally I would like to wake up drink some tea and rest before my day starts- but too often I find myself stuck in a comatose like state- barely being able to open my eyes. My two alarms go off several times before I finally grumble- roll out of bed, and find something to wear for the day. I have just enough time to brush my teeth, put lotion on my face, brush my hair and make it out the door by 6:50. If I leave any later chances are I won't make it to the office to open up the floor right at 7:30. My boss gets very mad if we are not at the desk right at 7:30. I have to work to understand that 7:30 is 7:30. 1-5 minutes later is no longer 7:30 to my boss. My internal clock doesn't quite work that way. Which is why I struggle to see the importance of sitting down at a desk right at 7:30. People don't even come into the office until 8:30. We can only get up from the desk when someone relieves us for our bathroom break. With that said there are some perks to working a desk job- consistent pay, health benefits, vacation days- yet I more often then not find little meaning throughout the day. I am just getting by today so that I can live tomorrow. When someone asks me how my day was I typically answer with- it happened. My thoughts for today were as followed: Shit I don't want to go to work to place where people where my boss doesn't like me. I still need to decide what my last day will be. Will it be the very end of December or towards the middle? Crap why didn't I think about what I will wear today last night. I need to put lotion on so my face doesn't dry out, brush my teeth, and run out the door! I really need to test my blood- I'll do it at the office. Bolus for coffee now. Pray I am not high. I am going to die at 40. Shit it is 6:47 I gotta go. Waiting in line for coffee- I shouldn't be buying this- but I want it. :/ On train- My bags are heavy I am hot, and I am want a seat. Will I make it on time? I am tired. I don't feel well. I get a seat and then one stop later give it up to an elderly woman- which I am happy to do, but I wonder why none of the men around me offer to do the same. I get to work early- YES. I think of my friend Aviva and write her a letter. I email my best friend to ask her to remind me of a funny story- wondering if she will respond as soon as I want her to. I remember that I have busy office work to do. I do that. As I prepare for school I am reminded of how difficult registering for classes can be. This is as far as I got for recording my thoughts that day. As I reread this I decided that I must find meaning in my days to come. The following day here are the small things I did to find meaning. I went to the New York Public Library on my break. I saw some great art and I felt inspired to collaborate on a new piece. After work I walked to the art supply store- I am incredibly thankful that I can walk all over NYC. I don't need a car and there is so much to see as I walk these magnificent and sometimes over crowded streets. I went home after the art store and drank a glass of wine and painted. :)

"The very idea of a bird is a symbol and a suggestion to the poet."

I have lived in New York city for almost five years and as I reflect on the big move I realize that It is without a doubt the love of my life. The culture, food, art, music, and theatre- It is the most deliciously intoxicating place to learn and grow as an individual. No relationship is ever perfect and this city is definitely with its faults, but overall it is a place where I have been able to plant the seed for the creative individual I hope to be. I have always surrounded myself with people that I want to be more like, and I am so thankful for the creative friends that I have met along the way that inspire me to try on many different hats. New York is a unique city in that you have so many people striving to find themselves and to express their creativity that you connect on a spiritual level as you journey along the path together. The past year, I have become friends with a street artist named Wing. She has really encouraged my journey with creative expression. I've never really told her how thankful I am for my time with her. I don't know if I would have continued with expressing myself through art had I not met her. She said something to me once that will stick with me for the rest of my life. "My mission in creating art is to put a smile on someone's face." "When they walk past one of my birds on the side of a building I hope it makes them happy and changes the course of their day." Art can be simple and accessible- art is for the people. I have a new appreciation for street art that I wouldn't have, had I not met this special friend. Meeting Wing has allowed me to explore art in a new way. It makes me fall in love with New York all over again when I stumble upon a piece of art like one of Wing's mosaics, or two insulin bottles posted on wheat-paste outside gallery row in Chelsea. I can't help but grin from ear to ear when I see art on the streets. For that brief moment in time it feels like I have discovered something magical, a unique experience that is all mine. I am able to own that art for a brief moment in time before moving on with my day, and passing it on to the next person that walks by.

Who is Georgette

Georgette is the name given to my ego. The part of me that goes up and down- worries about my diabetes- sometimes causes depression/mood swings, but that also burst with pride when I do something great. This blog is a place for my thoughts and a gift for the little lady that sits on my shoulder. Georgette- at times a pain in the ass, is merely a tool to help me listen to the yearning of the soul. The name Georgette was inspired by my father- who once told me he named his ego George. My mother always tells my father and me, "You are two peas in the same damn dramatic pod". So without further adieu I give you a Gift for Georgette. I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes right before my 5th birthday. I am now getting ready to turn 27 and embarking on a journey to fully embrace the disease. I am so thankful for those in the diabetic community that have shaped who I am, and made me feel normal on the days where I feel like an irresponsible diabetic. I LOVE my family and my friends with all my heart. I am always embarking on a new adventure- with my not so always trusty side kick diabetes-along for the ride. I am free spirit who wants to explore every part of creativity. And last but not least, I love Steve Martin and Winston Churchill. And don't bother asking why- you'll be just as clueless as me. Georgette is a strange, yet charming name. I decided to look up the meaning, and I discovered that Georgette means farmer, the tiller of the soil. I liked the idea that the little voice on my shoulder could be considered the tiller of my soul. Planting the thoughts for future growth- or spoiled crops depending on how I chose to water the seed. The name Georgette is often associated with people who have a deep yearning to create and express themselves. I chose the name Georgette on a whim, but I find the correlation between my deepest desires and the name I gave that driving voice to be oddly- at one with each other. I let Georgette dream of everything from being a famous jazz singer to being a famous designer. In fact my driving force on the treadmill as I work out is not- "I am being healthy for the diabetes." It is merely a chance to jam out on the i-pod and pretend I am a super amazing singer. Sometimes I dream of singing in front of my office- which is strange because I work as a receptionist at a hedge fund and no one would give a flying leaps ass about a girl singing in front of the office- but none the less it for some strange reason keeps me entertained for the 30 minutes I am running. Today I discovered that a temp basal rate works wonders as I am drinking coffee or tea at breakfast time. I have caffeine every morning and some days my blood sugar will be through the roof two hours later. I typically eat eggs and a handful of nuts for breakfast and drink coffee with no milk and yet it still spikes. I have literally zero carb with a blood sugar of 110 and two hours later I am 275. It makes no sense, but I think that increasing my basal rate for an hour after eating helps to curb the high from spiking! Now if I can just remember to set the temp basal I will be ready to rock and roll.

I am getting ready to turn 27 in just a few months and well my oil feels a little rusty. I have noticed a big change in my body- I have gained weight, I had to start a new medication which has made my body completely out of whack. It is amazing what hormones can do to blood sugar levels. I haven't had a consistent blood sugar for the past few weeks. I wake up high, I go low- I bounce back up. It is the constant yo-yo that I dread. It makes my moods fluctuate, I feel like my head is in the clouds, and that I don't have the ability to think clearly. I currently feel like a mad scientist as I am recording my food, insulin levels, blood sugar levels, exercise, basal rates, carb ratio, correction factors! Blech! I sometimes don't even know where to start- I feel like crap and the beatus continually feels like it controls me. It is really time to change some things- It is a new journey and I am going to try and devote 30 minutes a day to reviewing my blood sugar levels- what I ate and how I can better control my sugars so that I feel I am focused and can tackle the day like anyone else.

Why Won't you run in the rain and play? Let the tears splash all over you.

Happy Valentines Day

Inspire me. Give me a topic to research and write about.

I have no idea what I am going to write about. My uncle told me to write. So I am.

During a yoga class my instructor said that in order to truly give to others we must know our own mental and physical strengths. I took this statement to heart. I have spent the last few months really working on my physical and mental clarity. I am learning to accept myself--good and bad. My diabetes is in the best control it has ever been in! I am embracing my disease, accepting it, and learning to take charge. It is a lot of work, but managing diabetes is the key to finding clarity. With that being said, I still have thoughts of being an Olympic champion ice skater(Michelle Kwan),Meryl Streep, Monet, and God. Alas, I will give my friends the honor of pulling me around the rink like a tug boat, Meryl Streep can kiss my ass, stick figures rock, and well if Mother Teressa can get that close to God so can I. I really want to keep writing, but I am tired, rambling, and over it. Night.